I

I move through the bustling crowd of strangers and my eyes witness a world I do not seem to be welcome to. I fail to fall into the general assertion of what makes a person worthy. My clothes fit different from them and my physicality runs against theirs. I am a stranger among strangers. I do not care, though, to follow the crowd. I choose not to be slave to what is agreed to be current and stylish. I have chosen my own path. I find my own beauty in this ever changing world, for I can be only who I am, no more, no less. I offer my world to others and it is there for you to accept or deny. If you cannot abide me in your life, I will gladly leave, but are you prepared to make that choice? If you can see beyond what you see and feel beyond what you feel, you will know who and what I truly am and in that revelation, you will know the worth I can bring to your life as well. The indescribable treasures I can offer are many, but only available to those strong enough and open enough to find them.

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Technology

Okay. Am I the only one sick of all the phone commercials that use the sentimental music and emotional moments to sell their product? I hate how these companies try to pawn their garbage onto us by trying to manufacture some emotional link with us and their product. It’s a  phone! Just a damn phone. I feel like they are trying to appeal to our sentiment in order to sell us something that ultimately pulls us further apart. While I will admit the features and capabilities of todays phones allow us to communicate in ways that we never dreamt of before, but the way we abuse it seems to be breaking away the last few strands of our society. We settle for a text over a conversation. It’s okay to miss your kids recital now because your wife can Skype it for you or you can watch it later on Youtube. We’re getting to a point where we can literally put off living because we can experience it later online. Alone. The magic of such moments comes from the fact that they are shared experiences and that cannot be duplicated anywhere or anyhow.

I love the new tablets for kids now too. Get your kid glued to that screen now because that’s their destiny. They should learn to start living the digital lifestyle at the earliest age possible. Maybe one day we’ll be able to insert a micro-tablet into the womb. They will be able to record their time inside and have a record of their pre-birth. And the best part of the kid tablets is that they have a feature that will shut it down on them after so much time. That’s great! Now parents don’t have to be torn from their tablets to do their parental duty. The technology will do it for them. Pretty soon you won’t even have to deal with your kid until it’s time to pay for college. It’s no wonder every generation pulls further away from human interaction. We seem to be constantly trying to find new ways to eliminate the human element from every facet of life. Am I the only one who sees the flaw in this? I mean, as humans we need face to face contact. We are a social race. It feels like it has finally happened. All the nerds that got picked on and spent their lives avoiding bullies have grown up and taken over and are creating a society where the technology that was their only friend takes the lead and humans are becoming an expendable element. I’m no technophobe, but I believe we don’t need to be so addicted to it. I also see the irony of saying this in a blog posting, so don’t bother bringing that up. I think my point is  best illustrated in my book ‘Machine’. http://www.amazon.com/Machine-Jason-K-Melby/dp/1490488146/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1380305774&sr=8-5&keywords=jason+k+melby

It is set in another time where a society’s dependence on technology has driven them underground and they struggle to maintain society. I think that story states my point of view on the whole issue better than anything, and with the growing dominance of technology in our culture, I dare say it is extremely relevant for these times. Check it out. Okay. Commercial over.

Just keep in mind while technology is a blessing, it can be a curse and when they start installing computers in coffins, you know we have gone too far.

Reality(?)

Is there anything on this Earth so boring and mundane that they won’t make a reality show out of it? The answer seems to be no. Now I see there’s a show about personal shoppers. Really? Is this a world that really needed to be brought to light? Does anyone friggin’ care about these people who are basically over-paid salespeople for rich folks with overstuffed egos who think their time is too precious to waste doing their own shopping.

And this brings me to wonder why do people watch these shows? Why do you sit down and watch this mind numbing crap about vacuous people who live a standard of living you will never truly know? I’m dirt  poor and frankly watching people living in mansions and doing nothing but bitch about their friends all day while they buy top of the line clothes and cars is the last thing I want to see. These morons have all this money and I, with my brain and intelligence, struggle to keep my food bill for the week below twenty bucks so I can afford gas at the end of the week. The only word that comes to mind is ‘injustice’. I think all those real housewives should be dragged out into the street and shot.  For one thing, how are they ‘real’ housewives? I’ve never seen one of them lift a finger to do a household chore. I don’t see them scrubbing the toilet or doing the laundry. They, like most ‘stars’ of reality shows of this nature, are completely out of touch with what life is like for real  people. They live in this bubble that seems to keep reality out, rather than captures it. And in this they become a small scale example of our society as a whole. The uppers don’t have any concept of what life is like for those of us who live down here in the work a day world.

Okay. I’m going to stop myself now because I feel this going into a big sermon on the rich and government and right now I just don’t have the emotional strength. I just want to implore to you all who read this to stop watching these shows. I know some of you may find them entertaining on some voyeuristic level. Maybe you enjoy watching the bitchy behavior and the fights, but don’t get trapped by that! Be smarter. Demand better. In any other part of the world these people would rightfully be homeless, but here they are glorified for their selfish, stupid behavior.

One’s Worth

I was up last night and unfortunately I was thinking. I was thinking about my life and my path and where I am versus where I could be and out of all that big thinking I began to wonder why we as a society place the value of what we do with our lives on the money we receive to do it. Some of the highest paid people out there do horrible things while the lowest do work that brings us all up as people. I mean, I’m doing what I want with my life, but I feel worthless because I have no steady income. I’ve been looking for work for over a year now and I guess getting a job filing  papers will make me feel better about myself than finishing a 30+ chapter book or new script simply because there’s a check in it for me. It’s something we’re conditioned with, I guess, because I really do feel completely worthless without a job to go to. Everyone else goes out and takes on their role as a productive member of society and I’m stuck at home doing my writing, or at least I try. This week has been real bad for me.

This was just something that ran into my brain and forced me to write it out.

Why?

Why do I do this? Why the seemingly insane quest for success in my writing? I really don’t know. There are some times I think it’s because I know I’m supposed to be somewhere that I’m not. Many years ago, I won a screenwriting contest. That’s right, I actually won. The problem was I wasn’t notified for about three months after the fact. In fact, I found out by googling the title of my winning script (which in all honesty, wasn’t my best work). I talked to them and I got the screenwriting software that was one part of the prize, but I didn’t get the meeting with the Hollywood insiders, which had been the other.

I hadn’t thought about that incident for a long time until one day I was wondering why I feel so desperate to publish something or produce something. To do something that becomes recognized by the world at large. I began to think about what might have happened if I had gotten that meeting. A chance to finally touch that world and be acknowledged for my talents at long last. Nothing but dreams now. What ifs and might have beens.

It becomes more frustrating these days especially when it seems like the lives of nearly everyone around me seem to be improving and getting better, while mine remains stagnant. One friend gets a raise while another has success with his mail order business. Meanwhile I’m sitting on my ass day after day looking for a job and writing books and scripts no one will ever read. Languishing in this little corner of hell for who knows how long. Now, for the record, I’m not complaining. I’m venting. (Don’t you love how we can complain and call it ‘venting’?)

I just wish I had some other talent. If I were an actor, I could go out and audition. If I were a painter, I could paint. As a photographer I could take pictures and display them online. If I were a singer I could make videos for Youtube. Any other profession, I could go out and do something proactive and make this dream come true. As a writer I spend months, sometimes years, writing something and then I spend even longer trying to get it seen. No one reads anymore so books are almost pointless these days, and everyone and their nephew  is a screenwriter and it seems the older you get, the less people want to read what you have. The world thinks you’re not edgy or smart enough. I just can’t take feeling trapped like this. I have nothing to do but wait until November when my book comes out and then pray that a door is opened. If it comes out at all. I haven’t heard from the publisher in months so I’m going completely on faith that everything is still on track, but I have a very bad feeling I’m in for a nasty surprise four months from now. Praying I’m wrong, but it’s not the first time I’ve been led down the primrose path of accomplishment. I have gotten so close so many times and something always manages to sneak in and queer the deal.

Sorry this post is so down. I’m just feeling the need to unburden this negativity out of my mind. Sometimes it helps to share the pain. If only to find a sympathetic ear at the very least.