This weekend is exciting for me because I am a finalist in a short play competition in Ohio. My play is being performed in front of audiences and I could conceivably win first place. I of course told my family and today when I was leaving from this week’s visit, I was saying something about how I was fired up to earn first place, and if not that honor, I’d be happy with second or third; However my father mentioned about how I should ‘take what they give me’ and that off the cuff remark triggered something in me. I was thinking about it and after a lot of soul searching I decided that I did NOT want to just take what was given to me.
I realized that I am sick and tired of that attitude. I hate the concept of gratefully taking whatever crumbs fall off the plate. I don’t want to live my life like that. I deserve first place damn it! I deserve to walk away with the gold once in a while. I don’t want to live a life that was built by submission and surrender. I work hard at what I do and I aim for the best results for my efforts. I refuse to just accept runner up as my destiny. I know we all can’t be Stephen King or James Patterson, but if you don’t at least believe you can achieve that, you never will. I may fail, but I’d rather fail trying than survive by giving up.
I can see now I grew up in a household that pretty much encouraged me to just accept the bare minimum as the goal. No fault being pinned. I’m a dreamer who came from non-dreamers. It happens. I just don’t subscribe to the ‘keep your head down and don’t make waves’ school of life; although I certainly have lived that way, but I’m also tired of that. I need to start holding myself to a higher standard in my own life. It’s a new philosophy I’m finally coming ’round to. This applies to all aspects of my life, both personal and professional. I’m tired of being rolled over because I question my worth. It feels like trying to reboot the hard drive, but every day I am going to try to make better choices for myself. One step at a time.