I recently read an article that tackled the issue of gay men and couples who would like to have kids and they are in, what the article describes as, risqué professions. Now let’s lay our cards on the table here. I’m gay myself, and I am by no means pure as the driven snow, so I’m not passing any kind of criticism of these peoples’ lives. I just had a little problem with the article. More accurately due to how shallow and incomplete it was.
First, the main references in this article were Michael Lucas, of porn fame. The ‘writer’, director, performer and producer of what some could argue are the toppest tier gay porn in the industry today and some bodybuilder by the name of something Melvin. I don’t know. I guess he’s some big deal or something, but he didn’t look like no bodybuilder to me. He was lean and he had a great body and handsome as the day is long, but bodybuilder? Eh. Anyway, I don’t know much about him. I guess he had some nude pics leaked, and now he’s leaking them himself, loud and proud.
The article compared these men wanting to have kids to Playboy models and strippers wanting the same thing. My first issue with the article. How can you make that comparison? Playboy models just pose nude. They don’t actually have sex with anyone on camera and strippers just take their clothes off. Maybe some are porn stars and do have sex on camera, but I hold the same reservation about straight porn stars having kids as gay porn stars. And it’s not about the sex. If I may proceed.
I have orbited around the porn industry here in the good old San Fernando Valley for a long time. I’m not saying that drugs are the rule, but they certainly aren’t the exception. I met people who say that they had directed scenes with a performer who was bombed out on drugs and some who actually performed doped up real good. I have seen some of the porn stars party, both first hand and from eyewitness accounts, and it is as hardcore there as it is on the video screen. No one in the porn industry can look you in the eye and tell you they haven’t had encounters with at least a few types of drugs with a straight face. It’s just part of the culture and industry. Not everyone is an addict and I’m sure there are many who may slip into the exception column and haven’t touched so much as a joint, but I haven’t heard of any yet. In this party culture, it’s hard to compartmentalize your life and keep some aspects from spilling over into others. If it’s just you or you and your partner, you can deal with any drama, but if you have a kid in the mix? No. I can’t sign off on that. Maybe you can put those walls up and keep them safe, but in the case of raising kids, I fail on the side of caution and I seriously consider any cracks in the walls. Especially the cracks in Michael Lucas’ walls. He’s a big player and to get to that position in the industry, you have to play the game well and thoroughly.
Another point in the article these guys made was they wouldn’t raise their kids to be ashamed of their bodies and to be more sex positive. Okay. Fine. Of course, when you’re built like these guys, how could you possibly be ashamed of your body? Look like me and not be ashamed an then we can talk. ANYway, my point is I’m all for being open and honest about sex, at an appropriate age, but from the world of porn? No. Porn isn’t sex. It’s a twisted perversion of the act. It’s a plastic wrapped, choreographed fantasy that doesn’t exist in the real world, no matter how much we wish it did. There have been many studies that have found that porn can actually have a negative effect on ones outlook on sex.
If these guys really want kids, they would have to get out of the porn biz and separate themselves far enough from it so that their children wouldn’t be sucked into it. Children shouldn’t be exposed to a world where people just shed their clothes if they’re left alone for five minutes or just bored. They shouldn’t be in a home where dollars are rolled up into straws routinely. And as I said, these reservations I have are equal to hetero porn performers or any sex workers. Posing nude? Not thrilled, but it’s easy to block that out and keep your kids out of its path. Also, consider stalkers. People can become fixated on porn stars and I’m sure many of them have stalker stories. What if you had a kid and some psycho was lurking outside your home? The child shouldn’t be put in that position in the first place.
The bottom line is if you’re going to have a child and you work in the sex industry, such as it is, you really need to think of the best interests of the child. That’s really true in any situation, but more so here. If you really want that family, I see it as a choice between this career of yours and your child. If you have trouble making that choice, you’re not ready.