Oh, The Single Life

I have a little wake up call for the single gay men of Los Angeles because as I’ve been observing for the past (censored) years, one thing in the singles scene has never changed. You guys are f@*#’d up! I’m sorry, but as I patrol the usual dating/meeting sites (never dating out of that bar again. Hand to God.) I notice that it’s pretty much the same crop of local singles as I saw about 3 years ago. This game is no big deal on sites like Adam4adam because that site isn’t really for ‘dating’ in the conventional sense, but OkCupid and Plenty Of Fish seem to be falling into the same pattern.

I see the issue as about two major problems. First, all you beautiful men with the abs and  pecs and perfect bodies need to realize that you’re not going to be like that forever. The day will come when all that perfection collapses and you’re going to be old men just like the rest of us. I’ll take this arrow out of your quiver right away. I’m jealous. I realize that. I wish I had a body that made me comfortable to be naked in front of people. I work out and try to eat right, but I just can’t seem to make it happen, so when you guys say you want a guy who takes care of himself, you should realize that there are those who do take care of themselves but still have not reached the same impressive results you have. You need to start looking beneath the surface and open yourselves up to the possibilities. Do you want a man who will let you wash your clothes on his abs, or a man who will be there for you when times get tough? You say you don’t need anyone? You say you can take care of your own? Great. However, even the strongest of us must at some point admit that we do need someone to help, if only to be there to offer a kind word or a soft touch. The measure of a man isn’t under his clothes, but under his skin. It’s time for some of you gym bunnies to grow the f#*# up.

The second problem is that it seems everyone in this city thinks they are so great, that no one is good enough for them. It seems like everyone is holding out for that cute, young ripped stud with the killer eyes, sweet smile and super exciting life to sweep in and change their lives. That poor guy. He’s got a lot of work ahead of him. Now I realize a lot of you guys out there feel you deserve nothing less than the best and you have vowed never to settle and I applaud you. I agree. I mean, if I was up for settling, I’d be in a wonderful sexless marriage right now, but I believe there’s someone out there for me that can make my heart race, and I know this because I’ve found a few people who did that already. My exes. None of them were muscular. None of them will appear on the cover of GQ, but I loved them and in some cases, I’d take them back in a heartbeat. I just think the millions of Cinderellas out there need to wake up and realize that Prince Charming isn’t going to be coming in the package you expect him to. By placing yourself on this pedestal, you’re putting yourself out of reach of some really good men. You want perfect? Who doesn’t? But let’s face it, it doesn’t exist. I’m not saying you HAVE to settle for some schlub, but I am advising you to open your eyes a little wider. Open your heart a little deeper. You’d be surprised. So he has a bald spot. His eyes are still killer and he treats you like royalty. So he’s got a little padding around the middle. He’s warm and cuddles like no one else can. I’m seeing a lot of single men out there running around the maze and for some reason, no one is making connections. There’s no reason for that.

There are other issues of course. Off the top of my head this whole FWB movement lately. Friends with benefits is NOT, I repeat NOT, a real thing! It’s just a transparent excuse for men to get their rocks off and act like it’s not just hooking up. I mean, if you have an FWB, do you honestly hang out and do ‘friend’ things? I’m guessing no. When was the last time you and your FWB did anything other than sex? It’s a cop out, plain and simple. I’m also having an issue with these guys on the DL. I mean, come on! It’s 2014! If you’re gay, you’re gay. Straight men don’t have sex with men. Once they do, they are not straight. It’s time for all you guys to come out and at least admit to being bisexual. And cut it out with cheating on your significant others. If you don’t want to commit to the person you’re dating, break it off. It’s not fair to them. They clearly want to commit to you, but if you don’t feel the same way, you owe it to them to be honest so that they can go and find someone who can give them what they want. Or you can start being the one they want, but you need to man up and make the sacrifices you need to make that happen.  And don’t use youth or ‘questioning’ as an excuse either. You’re just some horny brats who want to get off.  You know what you’re doing.

Another minor issue is all the couples out there trolling for a third to add to their bed. Really? You already have a man but you still need all the singles too? I’ve never understood this. I mean, if your boyfriend is so amazing and gorgeous, why are you looking for company online? You have an amazing gorgeous guy right there. It just transmits to me that you aren’t totally happy with your relationship but you don’t want to end it. Maybe the third person you should be talking to is a therapist so that you and your partner can communicate and really get down to why you feel the need to ‘spice up’ your sex lives. I get that some couples have fun adding a third and that’s okay, but I’m seeing more and more partnered men on the singles sites. Maybe you all should have a separate place to go for this stuff. I’m just working on getting my own bf.

And now this isn’t an issue, but this does kind of irk me. What is with all the guys from the east coast? I mean, I think 9 out of 10 profiles I read are from guys who are east coast transplants. And is everyone running marathons these days? It seems like I keep reading the same profile over and over. From the east coast. Traveled the world. Runs marathons. Was there a movement I missed out on or something?

Advertisements

First Of 2014

Six days in and my first blog. I figured I should have put something up the first day, but unfortunately I was a bit distracted. It seems my new year started up with a bit of drama. The guy I had been seeing for nearly 2 years pulled a major dick move last month. After claiming I was so important to him and after countless pledges to work on  this relationship, he decided to move on with some new guy and I was the last to know. This caused me great anger, needless to say. After over a year of hearing how busy he was and how impossible it was to spend time together, I turn around and he’s having no problems finding the time to hang out with this new guy. They even ran off to Palm Springs for the weekend after only having met one week earlier. They spent his birthday together. It just boils my blood when I think about it. And this new guy is a step down from me. I’m no narcissist, but I feel I can say confidently I am way better looking than he is so this new match is kind of weird, but after being enlightened to a few other facts I was not aware, I guess it seems he likes bigger guys. I guess that’s good on me. I wasn’t fat enough.

In the long run, I know I’m better off. The relationship wasn’t that great. We hardly saw each other and the more I found out about him, the less I liked honestly. He was a snob and an elitist and he didn’t give a damn about anyone but himself and was proud of that fact. I hate how everyone at my bar thinks he’s this great guy. They only think that because he pays for all the drinks. If they knew who and what he really is, they would be singing another tune, but I can’t be the one to tell them. I don’t want to be ‘that guy’, although I guess I just turned into him because of what I just told you. I forgive myself though. I had to get it out. It feels good to finally say the words.

It was also a bit of my fault too. The moment I chose to accept being the lowest priority in his life, I put the target on my back. I told him that I didn’t care enough about myself to demand more respect than what I deserved. I just don’t know why he let it continue on as he did. He should have broke it off when I said ‘I love you’ to him, but instead he said it back to me. Of course he later claimed that he didn’t remember any of that. Classic deflection. Make me look like the crazy one. I didn’t want to see it, but now I can’t avoid the fact that he was and continues to be a despicable excuse for a human being. He uses and abuses with impunity and after he’s created the catastrophe, he simply walks away, brushing off the dusty and leaving the clean up to everyone else while he continues to party.

I wanted to move forward in my life with him as a partner, but he just wants to stay behind and continue to act like a child. In time, his true nature will be seen and his cover will be exposed and I think by then he’ll be ready to move on to some new place and work his wicked magic once more. I’m not bitter. Don’t think that. I’m actually kind of getting back into the dating scene with a few bright prospects already, but I just want the truth to be known for the official record. I hate when people treat others like garbage and act like it’s fine. It isn’t fine. If you lie, cheat or otherwise betray someone you claim to care about, you should be punished. It’s not fair for only one of you to feel the pain. I can’t physically harm him because he’s not worth going to jail for and there’s nothing I can say to him that will hurt him because he doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him. He’s out of reach to me, but that’s not to say I can’t use what resources I have at my disposal to try and attain some measure of peace. This feels good. I’ve gotten a lot of poison out, and I thank those who have read this all.

The news isn’t all bad though. The new year has brought some new sales of my books and a few good reviews for ‘Spectrum’ which now stands at a 4 star status on Amazon. I’m hoping that this will be a continuing momentum into 2014. I even got my first fan letter. It was very exciting. I think maybe this year will be good. I dropped the old garbage and I’ve got some bright prospects to enjoy and my book is slowly moving forward. Things feel kind of right.