State Of Singlehood

Okay. It’s tough to meet people these days. The odds are against us as our world changes more and more to remove us from daily interaction with others. We do everything online, we don’t have as many chances for a ‘meet-cute’ out there. My words here are directed at the gay single community.

I have been spending the last few days bouncing around some of the dating/hookup apps/sites because frankly that’s the only way men meet anymore. It’s no easier in person at a bar, and frankly based on my experiences from bar dating, I think I’m better off on Scruff. The main problem with gay dating today, at least here in Los Angeles is the simple fact everyone thinks they are so damn hot no one is good enough for them. I saw a profile of a guy who had a great body, handsome face and his words were rather well put together. By this I can gather he’s an attractive, intelligent man seeking someone special, yet he has not accomplished this. Why? Probably because he’s looking for a rich, successful Olympian who travels the world and does charity work when he’s not in his gourmet test kitchen creating the next sensation in nouveau cuisine. That seems to be the basic model for what everyone is looking for in a partner. Perfection. I’d like to drop a little reality check on everyone.

Perfection does NOT exist. I’m not saying you have to settle for some loser, but I am saying there are a lot of great guys out there who may not check off every box on your list, and that might be a good thing. One part of a relationship is accepting your partner for all that’s bad as well as all that is good. Sometimes the clashes between you help the both of you grow. Maybe you travel and your guy doesn’t like to go far. Maybe you can open his eyes to something new. Dating someone whom you have EVERYTHING in common with sounds terribly boring to me. All you will be doing all the time is the same old stuff you both always did before you met. The novelty of having someone to do them with might wear off quickly. And when did everyone start running marathons? I mean, really? There are so many guys out there who go on about how important athletics are to them and how their partner must share this passion and how eating right is a passion for them as well. These are the same guys who go out on the weekends and drink their body weight in alcohol.

The trap of this is usually when you open yourself up, you find your pickings are less than stellar. I mean in a physical sense. I hate sounding shallow about this, but physical attraction is a crucial component as well and the fact is we are attracted to certain attributes while repelled by others. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s important your partner gets your engine running, but some guys need to open their eyes a bit wider. I mean, I’ve seen some profiles say they like guys of all shapes and sizes, as long as they’re fit. They say they like guys who are muscular, slender, ripped, or lean. Glad to see they are keeping it wide open. There are also many who restrict their dating to a particular race or nationality. These men narrow their field so thin, there’s no chance of anyone living up to their standards, and then they turn around and wonder why they’ve been single for the past ten years. I have sent my share of messages to guys who, based on their pictures, I felt were in my league. I mean, they weren’t gym bunnies, but they had nice builds. Solid. Healthy. Good for cuddling, but often I wouldn’t get a response. I would then go back to their profile and I would catch a line about how they’re only into in shape men. It seems like these guys are setting themselves up for failure in this. My philosophy has always been to not ask for any more than I could provide myself. I’m not out for a perfect hunky stud. Just someone who I find attractive. The guys I’ve been with have not been ‘in shape’, but they weren’t obese either. They were regular guys. They were right for me. I’m probably going to get a bunch of hate over all that, but I’m just being honest. If you like large guys, then great, but that has never been my thing.

I feel like I’m getting lost in my point, so I’m going to wrap this. My overall point to this is that gay men need to get serious about finding love when they’re really in the  market for a partner. They need to grow the hell up and accept that no man is going to meet all their requirements. That golden unicorn you dream of has galloped off to unicorn heaven and will not be coming back anytime soon.


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